Archive for the 'Paedagogy' Category

Whippersnappers for President!

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on October 1, 2008
in Grammar and Paedagogy
. 5 Comments

So far, this week has been one magical moment after the next, most of which have involved grading.  I know, you are all incredibly jealous of the fact that every couple of weeks I have to read, analyze, grade, and comment on hundreds of student essays that demonstrate only the most minimal understanding of English language or literature.  I know I shouldn’t boast, but, hey, sometimes I just can’t help myself.

It’s a good thing, though, to know that my students are all Regulars, not those pesky Élites we all love to hate.  (And for a hilarious/terrifying look at the gap between the Regulars and the Élites, please to see this piece by George Saunders in The New Yorker.)

Here’s an example of just how Regular they are:

In the enlightenment era there were many of fascinating writings all with many different meanings.  When thinking about enlightenment and readins of that nature we tend to think of letters and poems during the 18th century and dates prior to the French revolution.  This era by some is even known as the Age of Reason.  One writing that I am going to focus on and translate in depth to what is really being said is a piece by the famous writer [redacted] titles [redacted].  This poem goes to show a controversial way of stating that beauty is above all.

This story which was written by the inspiration of an actual event carries many messages and a lot of humor in it. [Redacted] takes a look at the situations that are raised by the takings of a lock of hair from a young woman.  The passionate theft of this young woman caused a small feud between the two families that were of the passionate man and the family of the young woman.  The lock that was clipped from the young woman’s head who is named Belinda is now sought after by the families in feud.  This poem then goes on with an abundance of drama and persistence of the passion of love and with that embedded in the story brings out humor and hatred in the poem and makes it a good read.  The two major themes from this poem though are up for debate is lust-obsession and morality.

[And yes, before you ask, this writer is a native speaker of English.  He's from the area and I'm betting his daddy owns either a lot of land and/or a really pretty sailboat.]

[Also, I'm not trying to hide the name of the text from you, but I don't want people searching the title to wind up here.]

Even beyond the appallingly incomprehensible way in which this is written, there are almost too many factual inaccuracies to count. Beyond all that, what’s the thesis?  “These are two themes?” THAT’S ALL YOU GOT?

I am pretty sure this dude would make a great president!  He’s approximately as coherent and correct as Sarah Palin is, right?  Let’s hear it for the Regulars!

This is Actual: Now on Twitter

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on September 29, 2008
in Paedagogy
. 1 Comment

I’m faced with about 47 million bad literature papers to grade right now, and I thought I’d share the pleasure with you, dear readers.  I’ll be posting actual quotations from my whippersnappers’ essays on Twitter.  If you don’t already follow me on Twitter, you can see them in the sidebar or just go to my profile here.  Have fun!  I know I will be.

[By "will be" I of course mean "won't be."]

Please Don’t Make Me?

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on September 22, 2008
in Paedagogy and Television
. 3 Comments

I find myself in possession of approximately 110 student essays, each awaiting my painstaking care and attention.  What a lovely situation to be in on this Monday afternoon!

While I would very much like to go bury my head under a duvet and dream happily of a life in which I do not have to read freshman composition essays, it seems that instead I must actually begin grading.  Oh, woe!  Wail!  Rend!  Weep!  Gnash!

The only consolation I have is that there will be three glorious hours of Heroes to watch tonight, and I will be able to enjoy every minute of it, guilt free, if only I do my due diligence with the grading.  I’m ready to get started on that any minute now.

Almost There!

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on September 12, 2008
in Paedagogy
. 0 Comments

Man oh man I am going to be fucking psyched at about 5:30 this evening.  At that time, I will be officially done with the week of student conferences, and on my way to the liquor store for some over-priced Nectar of Forgetfulness and Glee.

Conferences have been going fine, and most students seem to have their shit together, so all is well on that front.  I really like my writing students so far — they seem engaged, clever, and willing to work.  It’s just that doing 10-20 conferences in a row can be mentally exhausting (and there’s basically no way to avoid that with the schedule I’m working with).  You have to read and analyze the paper pretty much immediately, then deal with deciding what to suggest to that particular student at that particular time — ideally something they can actually understand and accomplish and that will help them learn, generally, how to make their writing better.  Then you have to tell them about all these thoughts you’ve just had, in an encouraging-but-firm manner, and hope that they will process and heed your advice.  Sometimes, though, you’re just confronted with a relentless, glassy-eyed refrain of “um, yeeeeeah, yeeeah…,” making it doubtful that your suggestions will ever be realized. Taxing, I tell you.

I’ve got my next appointment in 15 minutes, and from that point it’ll be a steady stream of them until the end of business.  Must take a deep breath, brace myself, and keep going.  Then, whiskey and pajamas.

Reader, I hope your week has been less exhausting!

My Workweek; My Work: Weak

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on September 5, 2008
in Academia, Cheese Sandwich and Paedagogy
. 4 Comments

I am lucky there were only four days this workweek, because if I’d had to deal with any of this crap on Monday, too, I would be a quivering pile of tapioca right about now.  As it is, I will sit back and sip a glorious and much deserved whiskey-soda while you can read all about the accumulation of small stresses and slights that have added up to make the past four days so frakking heinous.

Tuesday: I had to go back to work* a day early after the Labor Day Weekend because the school had scheduled an Honor Committee hearing about one of my plagiarizing students.  There is no more relaxing way to ease back into the swing than the prospect of confronting an angry and somewhat emotionally unstable student at a hearing where you will be speaking against him, in the early morning, on what is usually your day off*.  (I’ll post all the details about how this went soon!)

Wednesday: The two instructional librarians assigned to my Writing classes wanted to meet with me in person to discuss our plans for the library research sessions we’d be having this semester — this was a change from the usual carefree and casual emails we had exchanged to serve the same purpose last year. We met at the end of the afternoon, after I’d spent all day in the classroom and was already exhausted. Due to one librarian’s inability to end a conversation or to read my conversation-ending signals, the meeting dragged on for approximately 3x longer than it should have.  Forty-five minutes into it, at the peak of my frustration, the librarian (whom I’ve been working with for a year already) referred to me as a grad student.

Thursday: On my other day off*, I decided to come to campus for a couple of hours to do some reading so I could meet up with my friends at 5:00 and head to the big faculty reception for our college.  In academic jargon, “reception” equals “cocktail party,” so how could I go wrong?  Indeed, there was much fine food and fine wine, and it was — interestingly? — the second time in as many weeks that I had been served a form of grits disguised as hors d’œuvres at a school function.  On the other hand, the room was packed with hungry Liberal Arts professors elbowing their way around the inexplicable round buffet tables (NOTE: round buffet tables are geometrically unsound; this is science), and the various speeches were interminably long and overwhelmingly loud in the enormous marble hall.  Standing in heels for two hours on a marble floor, by the way, was also not fun.

Friday: I had a lovely teaching day all through my first three classes, but I have unfortunately reached a breaking point regarding student participation with my fourth class. They are stubbornly silent no matter what I try to do, and I am already able to name the make and model of at least eight students’ cell phones.  Things are not great with them.  At one point today, they were supposed to be comparing two different writers’ descriptions of, let’s say, tulips. I was thrilled when one of the perpetually silent thugs in the back of the room raised his hand to make a contribution to the discussion.  “They’re both about, um, TULIPS,” he said.  At this point I had honestly lost my patience, and my response was ridiculously sarcastic.  Standing at the front of the room where I was making two lists on the board, “Writer A’s Tulips” and “Writer B’s Tulips,” I said something like, “Oh, they’re both about tulips, how true.  Should I write that on the list? Oh wait [circling the word "tulips" in the heading to each list], I already did write that. Because I am psychic.” It was not pretty. At least they laughed, though, proving that (despite most appearances) they are not all completely dead inside.

*A note on my “days off” - I don’t have to teach on Tuesdays or Thursdays, which means I normally get to lie around the house in my underwear sipping coffee and picking my nose, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have to work.  I am usually reading, writing, grading, or prepping in between nose picks.  So, they’re not really days off at all — I just resent the indignity of having to actually dress and go into school where I have to be pleasant and collegial with the people in the hallway and am not allowed to take breaks to watch One Life to Live.