Author Archive for Alfina the Vague

The Dogs Have Had Enough, but Have You?

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on November 28, 2008
in NaBloPoMo
. 3 Comments

Are you sick and tired of pictures of the cute puppies yet? After the video of them fighting adorably, have you had your fill?  Well, if you still clamor for more cute puppy pictures, I may have some bad news for you.  The puppies.  They are sick of it.

Here I tried to capture a photograph of what it looks like from my own point of view as I try to take a nap on the couch while simultaneously serving as a squashy piece of dog furniture.

Put the camera away and go to sleep, lady.

Put the camera away and go to sleep, lady.

As you can see, the dogs were not impressed by my daring attempt at gonzo journalism.

Below, you can witness what can only be called a look of extremely jaded weariness:

Look, we are both sick of the incessant photography. We will not frolic for you any more.

Look, we are both sick of the incessant photography. We will not frolic for you any more.

At this point I had caught the two dogs napping in an adorable little pile and, in my glee and hurry to take pictures, had accidentally woken them up.  After some blurry attempts to photograph their adorable synchronized yawning, I managed to get this darling picture.  Don’t they look charming?

No? No, you say? Yeah, I guess they look less like adorable puppies here and more like salty teenagers, which is about right.

The Inevitable Thanksgiving List

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on November 27, 2008
in Cheese Sandwich, Food and Drink, Lists and NaBloPoMo
. 4 Comments

I couldn’t possibly post today without making a list of all the things I find pleasantly tolerable in my life — you know things I don’t completely hate or whatever. Fine, fine. Things for which I am thankful. It is Thanksgiving, after all, and I do love lists.

Our new president-elect

Coffee, Diet Coke, wine, gum, and all the other substances that get me through the day

Good friends both near and far

Sane, supportive, and sensible family members

All the friendly folks of the internet who come by here and make my usual self-involved nonsense into something more like a conversation

A good job in a good department and the motivation and possibility to find an even better one

Sweatpants

This batch of double-chocolate chip cookies I just made

Healthy living (in spite of all the aforementioned)

The wealth of good books and good music that seems to have dropped into my lap lately

The finally completed sidewalk that now stretches the whole length of my street, making walks a thousand times more pleasant

The good students

I hope you are having a lovely Thanksgiving, wherever you are. I hope there is plenty of pie and wine. And while you’re here, if you wouldn’t mind: tell me what makes your Thanksgiving list this year!

Dog Fight!

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on November 26, 2008
in Cheese Sandwich and NaBloPoMo
. 2 Comments

For your enjoyment on this, the day before Thanksgiving, may I offer you a video of two little dogs fighting?




With my friend B’s chihuahua staying over at my place, this is pretty much the scene all day and all night. They wrestle and bite each other around the neck and then, occasionally, they take a break to run wildly around the room in giant circles. Once they are done with these exertions, they repair to their separate corners and pass out for a little while. If I am taking a nap, they both climb on top of me and go to sleep there. It’s all very adorable.

In addition to watching all the dog playtime today, I am also grading some papers, thinking about some last job applications, and planning my menu for tomorrow. I almost had to murder a bunch of idiots at the grocery store today, but then when I came home I had a glass of wine and two cute dogs to distract me, so here we are.

Technically This Counts!

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on November 25, 2008
in NaBloPoMo
. 0 Comments

In just a little bit my house is going to be invaded by a little chihuahua who will be staying here for a few days (fun!), and then I’m going out to dinner and then on to pub trivia. Since I don’t know if I’ll make it back in time to post before midnight, and since I don’t want to ruin my so-far perfect streak of posting at least one mediocre entry per day for NaBloPoMo, please allow me to get away with this for today:

Behold, it is a picture of my new (to me) Royal Typewriter, bequeathed to me by my friend K. (the same friend K. who gave me the Kama Sutra couch, in fact).

I actually have oodles of things to tell you, which I will tell you when I get the chance to write something more.  On the other hand, if I get stranded again with no daily post before the end of the month, I will show you my other typewriter, which is a lovely turquoise Underwood Leader. Aren’t you thrilled?

Shit List

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on November 24, 2008
in Cheese Sandwich, Lists and NaBloPoMo
. 4 Comments

People, I am having One of Those Days.  Every little thing is annoying me today, and I could write some kind of cohesive narrative about it all, stringing together all of the little annoying things with, like, thematic unity and shit, but I don’t really want to. Thus, you get a list:

1.  I have both a headache and heartburn, and yet I can’t take Advil and Tums at the same time because the Tums will invalidate the Advil in my stomach through some kind of chemistry.

2.  People keep asking me annoying questions they could easily resolve themselves, as if I am their personal, human version of Google or the IMDb.  (Example: let’s say you don’t know what the IMDb is, and you then leave a comment going “What is the IMDb?”  This would be one of those annoying questions. “You are on the internet right this second,” I would scream at you in my head, “LOOK IT UP.”)

3.  The cat decided to poop on the floor in my office YET AGAIN.

4.  I spilled an entire can of Diet Coke all over my couch, carpet, and tee shirt. I am mad not only about the stains and the endless clean-up, but also about the loss of Diet Coke.

5.  I have a student who missed the last, oh, six weeks of class without telling me anything, and she decides to email me over break to tell me that her excuse was for medical reasons and to ask how she can make up all the missed work. All I can do is look at my email in disbelief, screaming, “What?  WHAT?!”

6.  I chose to stay in town over break to finally, FINALLY get some alone time, but people keep wanting to socialize with me, and I feel like I would sound like a psycho if I told them that I can’t go out because I am so stressed that if I don’t have a couple of days to myself, uninterrupted, I might go on a murdering spree (I mean what sounds crazy about that, right?), so I keep accepting the invitations (and sharpening my knives) (just kidding) (maybe).

7. I am on my last roll of toilet tissue and I forgot to buy any while at the store today, which means I have to go back tomorrow and I HATE the fucking Kroger with the angry heat of a thousand suns.

8. After that one nice cold day, it is back into the 60s again, never mind that it is November.  To really appreciate this, Celsius users, you’ll need to know that the high today was about 16 C. It is supposed to be winter, dammit, or at the very least Autumn. Also, it is still 75 in my house (24 C). And all over town, all around campus, all on Twitter and Facebook, all everyone can do is complain that it is too cold. Too cold?

9. TOO FUCKING COLD?!

10. Speaking of Facebook, the horrible “People You May Know” tool decided that today was the right time to tell me that it thinks I may know the first guy I had sex with.  Yeah, I know him all right. I know him to be a GIANT DOUCHEBAG.  Thanks, Facebook.

Well, I’m not sure I feel better yet, but it’s a start.