I used to really love the Fall change back from Daylight Saving Time (which really seems like it should be hyphenated, like Daylight-Saving Time, but let’s not get into it) to regular old daylight-wasting time. It was particularly fun when we happened to be out at a bar that would normally close at 2:00 Sunday morning, but after 1:59 we went right back around to 1:00 and had another hour of dancing. That was fun. Last night, unfortunately, I was already long in bed by that time and when I woke up this morning all my fancy clocks had already reset for me, so there was basically zero fun to be had. Now all I am is an hour more tired than I should be and feeling like getting in bed with a book. It sucks to be all old and responsible and professional and stuff, man. Sigh.
Speaking of professional life, I have been DEEPLY FUCKING ENSCONCED in the world of job applications lately, and man oh man is it a self-involved process. Today, for example, I had to prepare a statement of my teaching philosophy, which I have been unable to complete to my satisfaction for the past three years, making it the focus of the worst case of writer’s block I have ever had. All the agony was for nothing, of course, as it wound up being not much more than “Blah blah blah active learning blah blah peer collaboration blah blah close reading blah blah critical analysis blah gag gag puke” — not exactly the boldest statement I have ever made, but at least it’s done. I also had to come up with a statement of my research program (”Blah blah dissertation blah blah book manuscript blah blah future plans blah methodology blah wank wank”), which was similarly awful as I basically only have a research program in the most nebulous and hypothetical sense.
Even for a person as self-involved and introspective as I am, it gets more than a little nauseating to think about myself this intensely and this much. I suppose we should think of this process as a “great opportunity” to think about “who we are” “as academics” and what we “care about” and what kinds of “contributions” we want to make “to the academy” and the “classroom” and all, but let’s face it: writing these documents is a giant pain in the ass. I can barely even stand to proofread them because the onanistic ourobourosness of it all is just too sickening. It’s good I usually get things right on the first draft. (HA.)
After having done all that and gone to the gym today (I am so virtuous and good), I am enjoying an evening of vegetating, staring at the wall, and listening to the new Jenny Lewis. After all, tomorrow comes all too soon. When it gets here, I will be spending the day in the office conferring with my freshmen whippersnappers, all of whom are agonizing about their current essays because they “just can’t think of anything to say.” TELL ME ABOUT IT, YOU WHINERS. FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I suppose I should add that the trip to Zurich was to discuss my progress with my supervisors (and to get bombarded with snow, apparently). It would seem that I am further ahead than I thought and/or they are sick of me for I was told to start applying for jobs as well. Rather bizarrely, then, I find myself applying for jobs at the moment as well. I now have the painful choice between an academic position (least favourite) or a career with a bank in Zurich (and hence more personal acquaintance with snow) doing nerdy math stuff that I love.
In any case, fellow job seeker, best of luck! I understand your job-seeking pain!
Good luck to you too then! I hope you get to do the nerdy banking stuff - if you wouldn’t be happy with an academic job, it wouldn’t really be worth the pain of applying, I would think. (Because good LORD applying is PAINFUL!)
The bank job would be a sort of pseudo-academic job. I would do the research that I like to do, but with no teaching duties. I don’t like teaching very much and in a university position one has to teach. In that sense, the banking job is a nice trade-off, but is difficult to get employment in.
See, the reason I want to work in academia eventually (teaching and all) is that if I happened to see — like I did last week — a posting for a talk on genetic modification and nutritive enhancement of cassava root to combat malnutrition, I could simply go. As it is I would have had to find a way to sneak out of work for a couple of hours and as I plan do to that later in the week for a job interview I couldn’t.
J - the bank sounds like a great option, then. Good luck!
T - You’re right, dude: one of the best benefits about this job is that working entails going to talks, readings, seminars, conferences, or just the library. All the “fun” school stuff. Heh. (But really!)
I understand the reference, but is “ourobourosness” really a word? I’m asking, not telling.