Monthly Archive for August, 2008

Students Enjoy Reading

Every semester, on the first day, I ask the students to fill out a questionnaire to help me get to know what their concerns are before the course begins. I ask them about what sorts of things they enjoy reading and writing about, their past experiences in English classes, their strengths, what they want to work on, and that sort of thing. I am always fascinated to see the things they list — it’s worlds apart from the way I would have (and likely did) answer the same question as a freshman in my own World Literature class, oh so many long years ago.

Here’s what they enjoy reading, in their own words (and their own spelling, and their own punctuation, etc.):

- science-fiction/fantasy, historical fiction, war genre
- The Bible
- things by Christian authors such as Francine Rivers
- fiction novels
- topics that I have prior knowledge in
- any type of novels by African-American authors
- novels, especially suspence
- fiction mostly, lots of old stuff, like Treasure Island.
- technology magazines, such as Popular Mechanics
- TERROR, MYSTERIES, MURDERS
- books written about the past
- fantasy type readings
- the basic magazines (almost any)
- suspenseful topics
- Christian novels, fiction (Harry Potter), ‘action’ novels
- Religious Writing: Bible, Christian living books, Christian novels
- Health related articles, things about animals, sports articles
- Golf & outdoor magazines
- John Grisham
- murder-mysteries, bibliographies, and news articles
- novels about life
- Harry Potter and TWILIGHT!!!
- Bible, devotional books, personal finance
- self-help and inspirational books
- sci fiction and war
- Modern Fantasy/Epic Fantasy/Supernatural
- stories or tales that are of truth
- Books with action or comedy
- Inside stories about athletes
- Chick lit, Jane Austen, Books on Italy
- Survival, Outdoors
- Suspense,

The last entry there is brilliant, isn’t it? Do you think the writer meant to use that abandoned comma to create suspense in his reader? I’m sure of it.

For the record, here’s how I imagine the 18-year-old me would have answered that question: “The Lost Generation, The Beat Generation, E.E. Cummings, French Surrealists.” I am so out of touch.

Case of the Worst Salad Ever

I was out in the country seeing local music and eating barbeque when I was confronted with a compelling mystery. The mystery sat unassumingly in a bowl beside my plate of ribs, and it appeared to be garnished with bacon bits.

This shady character had assumed the alias of “Five-Layer Vegetable Salad.” Ignoring the apparent redundancy at the end of that phrase, I decided to try it. From the bottom of the bowl to the top, here are what the five layers seemed to be: iceberg lettuce (and we all know no good salad begins with iceberg); obviously canned peas; onions; a thick, puddingy layer of white stuff that didn’t have any distinct flavor but might have been mayonnaise; chopped hardboiled eggs; and the aforementioned bacon bits.

This detective was baffled. Where were the five vegetables promised? What was the white goo, and why was there so much of it? Why was flavor conspicuously absent from every corner of the bowl? And seriously, what was that, mayonnaise?

I needed to consult my assistant Jameson for, you know, assistance. For one thing, I had never been faced with a case this impenetrable, and for another thing, the pain and torture I underwent as I tried to investigate the salad through repeated mixings, pokings, jigglings, sniffings, and (unfortunately) tastings had been unbearable. In my weakened state, I could not rely on my own judgment to scrute this inscrutable dish.

It turned out that my assistant was of little help, cringing and producing only the sounds of gagging when faced with my bowl of mystery. At least with Jameson at my side and in my glass, though, I would be able to wash away the gooey residue it had left behind.

Case Status: Suspended, also Repugnant

Tedium, Happily Interrupted

So, yeah, school is starting again on Monday, and we are all in denial over here. The honorable and dutiful part of my brain kept telling me I was going to go into the office today and finish designing my writing course, but the sleazy and unreliable part of my brain kept me in bed until 12:30 and then chained to the couch after that. The most active thing I did today was head over to B.’s house to watch the latest Project Runway (regarding that: the show is quite entertaining this season, but many of the clothes are simply le suck).

Whenever the start of a new semester rolls around, it becomes time to start orchestrating the New Routine of Awesomeness. This is always far too ambitious, and the plans, as excellent as they may be, always wind up getting pushed aside in favor of lazy underachieving. Here are some examples of plans I have briefly considered, which have never come to fruition: waking at 5 every morning to go running, packing a gym bag for post-office-hours workout, packing healthy lunches every day, planning and reading a week ahead of time for classes, grading papers within a week after they’ve been submitted, avoiding happy hours during the week, coming into the office early to prepare for class, and showering every day.

Instead, of course, what evolves is more like this: waking just in time to throw on clothes and get to school, only walking/jogging with the dog on weekends and then only if the weather is in a specific 10-degree range, buying overpriced sandwiches at the coffeeshop for lunch, planning for classes at the last minute if at all, grading papers approximately two weeks after they’ve been submitted and only on the night before they absolutely must be returned, hitting 2-3 happy hours per week, and showering only when legally required.

Which is all just to lament that the best laid plans yada yada yada. Christ, I am boring myself now.

Well, my self-indulgent rant on the intricate disappointments of my personal schedule just got pre-empted by a few hours of phone-talk with friends C. and C. Lucky for us all! And now, with thoughts of school happily shuffled off for the time being, I shall sign out and leave this as it stands.

Another Anniversary, and Everything Old Is Old Again

As of this month, I’ve now been writing Zemblan Grammar for four years. In all that time, the site has undergone a lot of changes (not least of which the color schemes — remember when it used to be red, black, and white? even before it was pink?). A few of you have been reading this since the beginning, though I believe it’s only the real-life friends who have been here that long. (Because I force them!) I’ve met so many interesting and clever people through blogging, but, as seems to be the nature of things, they are only around temporarily. Eventually, people give up blogging, and then not only are you deprived of their blogs but they cease coming around to read yours. I mean C’MON, PEOPLE, think of my entertainment, please!

Along with the changes in color template and audience, other things have also been in flux. One issue that’s always been tough to resolve is how anonymous I want to be in what I write. Should I share my name? My location? Pictures of myself, my pets, or my home? My pets’ unique, googlable names? Do I want people I know through blogging to be able to contact me in real life? Should my real-life friends and colleagues be told about the blog? It’s occasionally been a bit of a confusing battle, and I had found myself changing my mind on these issues all the time.

Lately, though, things seem to be working well. I’ve stuck with no mentions of my own name, university, or location, and written freely about everything else. That kind of anonymity is what allows me to feel confident in saying whatever I want to about my teaching, scholarly life, neighbors, and other sorts of touchy subjects that a lot of non-anonymous bloggers say they’ve forbidden themselves from writing about online. I couldn’t imagine not writing about my school life!

For a time, I had toyed with having a separate, non-anonymous blog elsewhere, but I am frankly too busy to bother with keeping up two separate sites (not to mention two separate identities). Since that plan fizzled out some time ago, I’ve been bringing in a lot of old posts from that other site (identifying details removed, of course). They’ll be posted here under the category Vintage Imports. I’ve done all of 2004-2005, and the rest will be trickling in over the next little while.

I think it’s good to have everything together under one roof. All those little parts of the past shouldn’t be separated from what I’m writing about today — they’re all part of the (often boring, admittedly repetitive, even bitchy) story I am telling here, and they should be publicly a part of it — not, as my students would write, “apart of it,” which is what they were until now. I mean it’s one thing for readers of this site to know how I feel about Faulkner and the Oxford Comma (I am pro both of them, as you already know), but shouldn’t you also get to read about my parents’ propensity to hoard expired foodstuffs, why I hate Tyra Banks, or why I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere (really anywhere!) near tequila? I thought so.

In short, since I’ve come to a firm decision about my level of anonymity here, I am not going to hold back on any of that cheese-sandwich blather. I hope you can handle it!

August is always a month of thinking about where I am going and where I’ve been: when I started the blog four years ago, it was then the four-year anniversary of my move across the country to Zembla. As I write this now, I’ve just finished my first year here in New Wye. It may just be the coincidence of being chained to the academic calendar, but even so, the end of the summer is a good time for reflection. As I’m reflecting now on what I’m doing here, on this website, I have to say I’m quite satisfied. Giving myself the time to put my thoughts into writing has never not been worth it. As always, thanks for your thoughts, and thanks for reading.

Don’t Believe Me? Look it Up.

deep seated vs deep seeded - The first one is correct. A feeling or attitude is seated deep within you. No gardening is involved.

faze vs phase - Two completely different words! I know, right? Don’t let it faze you.

cache vs cachet - Having a hidden cache [sounds like cash] of cash might give you a little cachet [sounds like cash-ay].

stage left vs house/camera left - Stage left is left from the point of view of the stage, house or camera left is left from the point of view of the house or camera. I haven’t heard ANYONE use these correctly in AT LEAST the last year, no exaggeration.

prodigal - The prodigal son wasn’t prodigal because he came back. His behavior before he returned was prodigal. It has nothing to do with returning.