Zemblan Grammar

Finals week is seriously making me lose every last shred of patience I have ever had for school, grading, and students.  I suppose that is nothing new — every faculty member (and student!) has felt that at some point, but hey, I like to state the obvious.

At any rate, this semester it is hitting me a little harder than usual.  It’s some unique alchemy of my unfortunate schedule of exam days and grade due dates combined with students who, facing a gloriously sunny and unscholarly summer, have turned into a bunch of obtuse, helpless, grade-grubbing excuses for actual adult humans.  I could get into the specifics of their transgressions, but it’d honestly be not much more than more of the same, you know?

I have a whole rant outlined about a student who emailed me asking, “I was just wondering about what the genres of some of the texts are.  It’s all fiction except for Kafka, Nabokov, Faulkner, and Eggers, right?”  (Point 1: What does he think the word “fiction” means?  and Point 2: If those are not fiction, what are they?  Poetry? Non-fiction?  Is “The Metamorphosis” non-fiction? and so on it would go.)

I could tell you about the one who uncovered a truly baffling mystery: the fact that there was a paper assignment he had not completed.  How could he possibly find any information on this mystery assignment, which he did not know existed, he asked, apparently not having thought to begin his investigation at the syllabus.

Man oh man, I have  lot to say about the way this semester is shaping up, and how this last week is practically fucking killing me, but I will let you, reader, fill in the blanks there.

However, there is some good news to be had:

Firstly!  I have completed al the finals and grading for one class, leaving “only” three to go.

Secondly! In a week’s time, I will have completed my first year at my first post-grad job, and be well on my way to general career advancement, etc. etc.

Thirdly!  I will have plenty of time this summer for work on my two (possible) conference papers, three articles I want to shop out, and plans for the book.  I feel so much better about work when work involves my own writing.  God, I am SO excited about all this.

So, I am trying to see the positive aspects of life, all of which are so close, if only I can manage not to murder any students or registrars between now and next week.

(Seriously, though, I can neither confirm nor deny reports that, in a fit of frustration and after having been stabbed in the thumb about twelve times trying to fix a jammed stapler, that I hurled said stapler in anger across my office; nor that I let said stapler lie in the middle of the floor all day just so that when I got up from the desk I would have the opportunity to then KICK said stapler into the corner with enough force to break it in two. Reports of stapler abuse have been grossly exaggerated, and, whatever, the stapler had it coming.) (P.S. I need a new stapler.)

Anyway, LIKE I SAID, things are not all bad.  I am feeling almost mildly better about life now after having an evening with the ladies, lots of pinot noir, and an undisclosed amount of forbidden carbohydrates.  I am almost ready to begin facing the thought of facing tomorrow. Must breathe deeply, enjoy wearing sweatpants, sleep in tomorrow morning, and then bravely face the stack of exams awaiting my attention.  Ommmm.