Monthly Archive for April, 2008

You Can Feel it All Over

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on April 16, 2008
in Academia, Books, Cheese Sandwich, Music and Paedagogy
. 2 Comments

Only a couple more weeks stand between me and the end of the semester, a thought which produces — as usual — both a wonderful sense of relief and a nagging, lurking terror.

I will be glad to be rid of the four classes I am currently teaching.  A semester is a long time, people.  It’s officially 60% longer than a quarter, which makes exactly no mathematical sense, but there you have it.  Occasionally the thought occurs to me that, if I were still teaching at a quarter-system school, I would have been rid of these bozos over a month ago.  Let me tell you, the thought infuriates me. (Let’s not forget, though, that at said quarter-system school, I’d have only just begun Spring Quarter, and be staring down the barrel of another eight weeks of school year, so there are ups and downs; strikes and gutters, etc.)

On the other hand, of course, there is always the panic that comes at the end of a school term: I have so much work to do still and so little time in which to do it!  I spent Monday and Tuesday this week grading two sets of Literature essays, and will be spending a large amount of time today starting two sets of Writing essays, work which will no doubt carry over through the weekend.  Let’s not even talk about the four sets of various short papers I also have to deal with, shall we?

I have looked over my schedule for finals week and determined that not only does it suck generally (Tests on nights and weekends? Grade submission deadlines on four different days, mostly occurring less than 48 hours after the exam periods? Check and check!), but it also will prevent me both from attending my honorary nephew’s first birthday party and from going to see Stevie Wonder at Jazz Fest.  Fuck you, final exam week, you unrepentant cocksucker.

On a cheerier note, these remaining days of class involve the glorious inclusion on my syllabus of The Week of Nabokov (hooray!) as well as small forays into The Davids Eggers and Foster Wallace. No one can say that is a bad idea.

Nabokov on Close Reading

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on April 14, 2008
in Academia, Books and Paedagogy
. 3 Comments

While I am slaving away grading a pile of papers written by whippersnappers who think “modernismistic” is a word and that “stream of conciseness” is one of its “predominate” attributes, allow me to post something soothingly well written and lovely.  This basically explains my whole philosophy of life (at least that part of it that hasn’t already been covered):

In reading, one should notice and fondle details.  There is nothing wrong about the moonshine of generalization when it comes after the sunny trifles of the book have been lovingly collected.  If one begins with a ready-made generalization, one begins at the wrong end and travels away from the book before one has started to understand it.  […] We should always remember that the work of art is invariably the creation of a new world, so that the first thing we should do is to study that new world as closely as possible, approaching it as something brand new, having no obvious connection with the worlds we already know.  When this new world has been closely studied, then and only then let us examine its links with other worlds, other branches of knowledge.

–Vladimir Nabokov, Lectures on Literature

Don’t you feel more sane and rational now? I know I do.  Nabokov: always better than a punch in the neck.

A Horrible Weekend Ahead, Ahoy!

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on April 12, 2008
in Books, Cheese Sandwich and Paedagogy
. 3 Comments

This weekend I have so many odious tasks that it’s hard to decide what will be the worst.  Let’s just list them and you all can decide:

1. 60 Literature essays to grade, most of which, I’m sure, will make a mockery of one of my favorite books ever.

2. 50 Very Long Composition essays to grade.

3. Taxes to file, both federal and in two states due to my move.  The Zemblans are no doubt poised, blunt object in hand, ready to beat my bank account silly.

Office Hours Blues

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on April 7, 2008
in Paedagogy
. 4 Comments

Another Monday, another morning spent in the office, ostensibly waiting for students to show up and seek my counsel. This week, I suspect several of them might actually show, which would be unusual. They do have a paper due tomorrow, though, and it’s one about which there has been a simmering panic for the last couple of weeks.

In class I have heard them whining and groaning ad nauseam: “Oh, it’s so haaaaard. I can’t believe we have to find three sources! That is so many!” And yet, there is also, “How can I write five whole pages about three sources? I just don’t have enough to say!” While, on the whole, I feel like telling them that if they do not have enough to say to fill five measly pages, they should try, you know, actually thinking, because it might help to have the barest ghostly whisper of an idea somewhere in their heads, I have not said this. I have been nothing but nice and encouraging. “Come by and see me!” I say, chirpily. “We will figure out what you need to add.”

So, anticipating that conferences would be extra-busy for this haaaaaaard paper, I made sure to free up plenty of time, most of which (as you no doubt can guess) I spent sitting on my ass, twiddling my thumbs, and looking at pictures of puppies on the internet. No fewer than four people told me they would be stopping by office hours today, but as of now, none has. La la la. I guess It’s back to the puppies.

In other time-wasting news, allow me to mention again the awesomeness that is Rate Your Students, the site where university faculty submit anonymous and often hilarious screeds. This one in particular resonated with me today. And if you need even more procrastination fodder, maybe you want to visit my media blog? I have started a new category called “Film Reviews for Ladies” - there is only one so far, but I think it is going to be a thing.

Now that I have all of that out of my system, I suppose I will get back to work. As long as I’m here, I may as well get some reading done. (Cue student knock on door as soon as I crack a book.)

Poetry, Tornadoes, Tattoos

Published
by
Alfina the Vague
on April 5, 2008
in Academia, Cheese Sandwich and Food and Drink
. 3 Comments

My night last night was unusually eventful. It started out with a stupidly self-induced bloody nose (only I, who once broke a finger trying to pull up a sock, could possibly bloody my nose while putting on make-up), and then proceeded to contain tornadoes (and the first ever tornado siren since I moved here), a poetry reading containing references to someone’s spooge, tequila, electric bluegrassy rock, and a lot of tattoos.

Beyond that, there are a few things I have to say:

Poetry: Do not go back and read the poems you wrote in college, even if it is late at night and you feel cushioned by drink. Know that they are incontrovertibly bad. Just take my word for this.

Tornadoes: they seem somewhat scary. Perhaps scarier than the lurking threat of earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis. After all, there are usually not sirens for those things.

Tattoos: If you have one, I now know the bar for you in New Wye. It makes me indescribably happy to know where the people not clad in khaki go to play pool and hear music. Yay!

Drink: There is a very refreshing drink you should have when the weather is warm. It is gin, club soda, and a splash of orange juice. Add lime. You are welcome. Cheers.