10:45 I stop at the vending machine to buy a juice on my way to office hours, and watch through the clear glass front of the machine as the dispensing arm fails to collect my beverage, delivering nothing but air for my $1.50.
10:48 I buy the same juice from the cooler in front of the coffee shop instead. It costs $2.69 and it is warm.
12:00 I buy a bottle of Diet Coke from the machine downstairs, still grumpy that I have to pay $1.25 for 20 ounces of Diet Coke in a plastic bottle (too much Coke and too fizzy) when I used to be able to pay only $0.75 for 12 ounces in a can (perfect amount of beverage, perfect amount of fizz). When the bottle is dispensed, it is squashed and leaking and the soda is completely flat.
1:00 I buy a bottle of Diet Coke from the cooler in the bookstore instead. It is perfectly room temperature.
Help me; I am so fucking thirsty.
Maybe you should start lobbying the school to get a different company to run the vending machines on campus.
I think this is important enough to be listed under the ‘Service’ section of your CV. No one in Academe can doubt the importance of proper-temperature, caffeinated beverages.
Get thee to a McDonald’s! You need carbonation therapy! They will serve you the perfectly carbonated, perfectly temperatured (over REAL ICE, no less) Diet Coke. This is my prescription. Just avoid all the other shit Mickey Dees is hawking.
You should carry a hip flask so you can have a little “sparkplug” every now and then throughout the day!
This is a problem that can be solved by a grocery store and a $50 mini fridge from Wal-Mart.
Well, if I incorporated the hip flask and refrigerator, I could be well taken care of every day of the week! Unfortunately, I enjoy complaining slightly more than problem-solving.
It will please everyone to know, however, that I came home from work and had a very refreshing ice-cold can of Diet Coke that took all the pain away. Not even any whiskey required!