Zemblan Grammar

And now is The Time at University Venn Ve DANCE!

Oh, oops, oh no.? I do not mean “DANCE.” I do not even mean “dance.”  I mean that now is the time when we grasp our heads in our hands and moan in pain and terror. Oh yes, people, oh motherfucking yes.

For now is the time at University when we have 120 papers about to be turned in and 120 students to “conference” [verb!] with before they turn in their papers and 120 students complaining because, during the “conferencing” that most of them did not even attend, I did not warn them ahead of time that they were, like, maybe not going to get an A++ on the steaming piles of dung to which they refer as their “papers.”

Oh, how do I love the time of conferencing and grading?

Well, I can tell you that I love it even better when it is added to The Time When We Receive Student Course Evaluations from Last Semester.  Oh, what joy I feel coursing through my veins when I think of the chance to read all about how horrible I am and how they hate having to take a required class in which they are made to, you know, actually show up and actually read the assignments.  The poor dears.  Also, I am a mean old lady who hates whippersnappers and I also smell bad and have a stupid face. All of this, no doubt, will be featured in the pages upon pages of lame, nonsensical, grammatically incorrect, nearly illegible chicken-scratch bullshit that awaits me in my department mailbox at this very minute.

No, I have not seen any of the evaluations yet (the office is closed by the time I am done teaching and thus no mail for me on Tuesdays), and maybe — just maybe — they are not that bad.  It is possible, but, judging by the responses of my colleagues up and down the hall, it is not likely.  One of my lovely, brilliant friends told me after reading hers, “I was mad at myself for about ten minutes, but then I realized I should be mad at them. They suck.”  Sing it, sister!

I am preparing myself for some bad ones.  This will suck, especially since I have been coddled by the Zemblan students, who were always very pleasant and delightful in their evaluations of my class. Of course, back then I was teaching the Fun Electives For Dudes and Ladies Who Love Literature: for example, courses all about my favorite books and why they are awesome.  These days, it’s all dumbed-down core curriculum all the time, which, among whippersnappers and chowderheads everywhere, breeds nothing but discontent.

And that, lovely readers, is why it is now The Time at University Venn Ve DANCE.  I will have to go in and “conference” tomorrow, and while I am there I suppose I will have to go fetch those ominous envelopes of evaluations from my office and actually, like, read them.  Until then, wine and dancing and blissful, blissful ignorance.