Zemblan Grammar

The cost of travel.

A pimple on the edge of one’s nostril. This is hateful in the extreme.

Any person with a knowing or superior tone, attempting to pontificate on subjects he does not understand.

Hit-and-run accidents.

Students who request appointments on days when one does not normally come to campus, and who then fail to show up for the appointments.

Fake British accents.

Fake American accents.

Hearing popcorn squeak between the teeth of the person next to one at the cinema.

Racism.

Tardiness.

Carelessness.

Smugness.

People who pull out their cell phones in the middle of a pleasant conversation to send a text message to someone else.

Carpeting.

Headlights shining into the front window of one’s apartment from a parked car outside.

Clogged pores.

Lipgloss that is so sticky it catches an errant hair and glues it to one’s mouth.

Bad plumbing.

A driver who refuses to use a turn signal correctly.

That one person in the restaurant whose voice carries across the room, above all others, and infects ones auditory environment with self-satisfied chatter, as if the rest of the room cared what he had to say.

(See: The Pillow Book)