Today is this day. It is Tuesday. Today is the day on which, during the hours between twelve and four, you charming little whippersnappers can drop by my office to discuss revising your essays. During this discussion I will give you more brilliant ideas and suggestions than you are worth, wasting my finite brain power on your insignificant needs, wasting it on advice you will not heed, instead of using it for things that are relevant to my own life, such as thinking about David Boreanaz and deciding what kind of whiskey I am going to be drinking this evening.
Tomorrow is not today; it is different. Tomorrow is the day after today. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Tomorrow is not a day on which you can drop by my office, because I will not be here. Rather I will be using my finite brain power on things that are relevant to my own life, such as thinking about David Boreanaz and wondering why I drank so much whiskey the night before.
Do not ask me when my office hours are tomorrow. This is a question that is impossible for me to answer. “When are your office hours tomorrow,” asks the wind silently. “When are your office hours tomorrow,” says the sound of one hand clapping. “When are your office hours tomorrow?” The question is like a Zen koan posed by the Buddha in a forest when no one was there to hear it.
We at the Desk of What the Difference is between Today and Tomorrow appreciate your careful attention to this matter.
How dare they distract you from thinking about David!
OMG I KNOW. THE UNMITIGATED GALL!!
Okay, UPDATE:
The little shits are still emailing me all “But can’t I come see you tomorrow? It is the only time I have free!”
I’m all “NO, NO YOU MAY NOT.” I mean, for one thing I effing know they had time today free because the huge block of time that I had drop-in hours? You know where I got that huge block of time? I got it by canceling their classes. SO THEY COULD COME SEE ME INDIVIDUALLY. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
I need more wine and Buffy and/or Angel, posthaste!!!
(GOD I AM SO ANNOYED, SERIOUSLY. I HATE THEM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.)
Oh yeah, and ALSO, while I am pissed (angry, not drunk) and filling up my comments section with rantiness, let me tell you ONE MORE THING, World: I am not drinking Whiskey as intended, I am drinking discount wine instead.
You know why? Because whiskey costs forty bajillion dollars in this retarded state. Good thing I am traveling to A Neighboring State this weekend, for visiting and vacationing purposes. I really need a visit and a vacation, and also they sell reasonably priced alcohol there.
Wait, I’m confused. So when are your office hours tomorrow?
I couldn’t come by today because I was nursing the hangover I enduced last night because we didn’t have class today.
Heeee. I know who you are, and I bet you lifted that right out of my school email account, didn’t you?
(It’s spookily accurate!)
speaking of the boreanz, do you watch “bones?” i am getting into it this season and he is just smokin hot in that show.
Oh yeah baby. I liked him in that show before I started watching the vampire shows, ’cause apparently I like to do things backwards.
I didn’t see tonight’s Bones yet, but last week he was wearing some flashy socks that were oddly awesome. Love.
As I’ve stated before, I theoretically have office hours, but never show up for them. Ultimately it will just be me sitting there int he basement of the building, twitting my thumbs. So I tell them that if they want to drop by office hours, give me advance notice so I can actually be there. They seem to get it.
So far though, my class is going well. Newsflash! I have semi-intelligent kids in there. They all seem to like the class 9god knows why because this semester I could really give a fuck, but perhaps that attitude has inspired them to care in my place.
I’ve sort of become like House. But instead of being in a hospital, I teach.
I admire your Housiness! And it sounds like you are getting good results, too!
I wish I could do the same, but unfortunately (for me — it’s good for them) “conferencing” is an important part of the writing “process” according to our “pedagogical” “methodology.” Barf. Basically I have to meet with them. Of course, if they decide not to show up on the day I am available, too damn bad.
Being a non-trade just makes me hate students, and myself as an undergrad the first time, a little more every day. I imagine that by the time I am in a graduate program in a couple of years I will be reduced to drinking during lecture and shouting incoherently about the moral implications of the dipole moment of water.
Non-trad. Jesus, I am becoming one of them. HELP ME!
Drinking just during lectures? Why restrict to that time-frame? There’s 24 hours in a day, son! Being a mathematician, I’ll let you in on another little “secret”: I don’t think that it’s coincidental that there are 24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day…
As to the moral implications of the dipole moment of dihydrogen monoxide, you really need to calculate it (dipole moment) first before you can start pontificating on the moral implications resulting from it. I can get you started if you need help…
It’s just the vector sum of the bond dipoles, fortunately for water there are only two. How’s my vector calculus? NOT GOOD! By which I mean it doesn’t exist! Which, I guess, is one reason to keep headed at food flavor chemistry instead of analytical p-chem.
Of course, the best incoherent moral ranting has no basis in fact, making the calculation of the actual dipole moment sort of irrelevant to going on about how having such polarity really makes water a divisive tool of the patriarchy and/or radical feminists.
Hm. Your website is about economics but you’re talking chemistry; considering a career shift?
I agree about the incoherent moral ranting although of late I’ve really been considering standing on a street corner and just shouting at people. It’s been “one of those years”. I suppose I should spare the world an incoherent moral rant and just go on about how the patriarchy has just bedded the feminists with their dipoles. Or something.
John, and I apologize to Ms. Vague for the total flipping threadjack, I’m going back to school to get through o-chem and some biology basics so I can get into a food science program. I don’t like this working world business, and I don’t like economics enough to pursue it at the graduate level, so I decided to study something I thought was more interesting and beat a retreat from…well, here.
Timothy - good luck with heading back to school. I did that myself - it’s not easy, I know. Best wishes for your success.