[More Readers' Choice Installments will be coming out soon, never fear! If you feel like it, why not send me some more suggestions? OK? OK.]
People who insist on entering through the left side of the door. We have been over this before, haven’t we? This ain’t England, you chowderheads. Use the right side of the door. That is all. Those insisting on left-side usage will, without further ado, be forevermore BLACKLISTED!
People who see you approaching the double door, step back, act like they’re letting you out, and then enter through the side you just used. This is really a subset of the left-side users, isn’t it, because these people would necessarily use the left side, too. Why do they do this waiting routine? There are two doors there, which (in case anyone was wondering) IS WHY WE CALL IT A FUCKING DOUBLE DOOR. They can pass through at the same time you do, but they don’t. They wait, all faux-graciously, their smug, self-congratulatory faces implying, "hey, buddy, that’s OK; I’ll let you out before I go through." Do you know what it is, though? It’s not politeness. There’s no need to wait, because, AS WE HAVE ASCERTAINED, there are TWO DOORS there. No, no, it’s not politeness. It’s laziness. They wait for you to open your side so they can sneak on in without exerting the precious energy to open the door themselves. The fuckers shall henceforth be BLACKLISTED!
One day a hard rain’s gonna fall on these people…
Damn I hate them fuckers. Also, all of the people all over campus today. As the poet Alfina the Vague once said, “Ugh.”
Also, what’s with double doors where only one side is unlocked, or some days it’s one side and sometimes both? (The diabolical sometimes one side/sometimes the other variant is rare.) What is the locked side for? Etiquette cannot flourish in such an unreliable environment.
Some double doors, or physical plant employees, or - look for the hidden camera - psychology students need blacklisting too.
Oh, also, can you BLACKLIST the creepy, slack-jawed old man in my Swedish class who, when asked if he had managed to get the textbook, yelled, “I JUST WANT TO AUDIT IF THERE IS ROOM!!” *sigh*
KotH– In Zembla, it’s more likely than not that that day will be soon. Our rainy season kicks off any day now…
SC– Ugh: My new signature tagline. Also, yes, let us hope that Swedish class guy falls in front of a bus soon. “JAG HEDDER CRAZYPANTS!!!”
Barbara– Oh, exactly. You are right on the money. Why do they want to make it impossible for us to ingress and egress? THEY MUST BE STOPPED.
Come come, you can’t seriously be calling a person “chowderhead” can you? We’re an innately polite bunch, almost submissive, as it happens, so long as you don’t invade Belgium. You should see what happens when we’re faced with revolving doors. Etiquette chaos.
There are rules about double doors now? I know there are in restaurant kitchens, so you don’t knock into a waitress balancing twelve plates on her head, but in real life? Here in England we use whichever side takes our fancy, and to the devil with the consequences. Standing on the wrong side of an ecalator in the underground though, that’s a hanging offence.
K– “Chowderhead” isn’t a national slur, it’s just a comment about people who think it’s cool to go through the left side of the door when there’s no reason to do so. (Since we usually walk on the right, not on the left.) (Am I understanding your comment? God, it’s early and I am confused.)
HB– It is entirely possible that these “rules” are all in my head.
So what’s the correct side to be standing on an escalator in ukania’s underground system, hb? Here (well, this state anyway), the left is for standing and the right is for moving at a decent clip.
Alfina, I would seriously visit Zembla just to hear you shout ‘Chowderhead’ at me struggling through a door. I LOVE vernacular insults! Got any more of them?
i havv a sombody to balklast! swne who wriat ’sound bite’ wiht a ‘y’. fuckemfuckemfuckem. whan i cach up wiht em they wil be sory theey we’re evar born. mark my word.s