Haven’t been around much lately–as it turns out, Comcast doesn’t like it all that much when you don’t pay them. I called them today and lo! the internet is back in my house, and here I am a-blogging. (I promise, I only paid them so I could talk to you! You right there, with the face. See how much I love you? Yes, you!)
While on the phone, I was susceptible to their cross-selling wiles, which they effortlessly employed to talk me into some cheap deal on digital cable, which, barring a change of heart, will be installed in a week and a half. I won’t have to pay for it for another month, though, so ha HA, world. (I should totally call and cancel that, shouldn’t I? Otherwise it will be far too tempting to start looking at larger TVs and those newfangled DVR thingies.)(Shut up, I have a 10-year-old, 13-inch TV set right now. I got it in a trade with my brother–I gave him a 1987 Chevy Cavalier that leaked water through the dashboard and, in the words of a college friend of mine, "always smelled like old sex." I totally got the better deal there.)
(Wow, that was quite a digression. You sure you want me teaching your youth to "write," Zembla?)
Anyway, among other things, I have been helping out the scientific community. Don’t worry, not selling any organs or fluids (this time), but rather participating in scientific experiments for a friend of mine, who, I swear, so totally did not bribe me with beer. I am merely a noble, science-supporting person. I mean, what we need more of is, predictably, science.
My linguist friend had me (mostly my nose) hooked up to a fancy machine, and I carefully pronounced nonsense words into a breathing mask. Something about "beef neebs" and "boom tubes," maybe some "new boobs" or "glee feebs." I don’t really remember. Many of these nonsense words sounded dirty, which was reward enough for me, I tell you, beer or no beer. Science, my nose is here for you!
In other news, school starts again at the end of the month, complete with four gabillion department activities and receptions and meetings, where I’ll be forced gobble hors d’oeuvre and act interested while my colleagues pontificate on whatever deadly dull subject they’re wasting the state’s money to study. All aboard Train Academia: Eco-Friendly Because We’re Powered By Our Own Sense of Self-Satisfaction!
They “upsold” to someone delinquent on their bill? And they got you onto an entirely new service? Lovely. We’re not supposed to do that. Strictly against the rules.
Those nonsense words sound like spondees. I only know what that is due to Matmos, who had a track entitled Spondee.
That’s also probably one of the strangest albums in my collection. Have a read of the track notes on the Matmos link there. The first track is really good, but a little creepy when you work out what some of the sounds are.
So, the TV still works? You “definately” got the better of the deal. The Cavalier long since passed away.
Yes, we need more science. It’s shocking what our “leaders” think they know about science, and what Joe Average lets them get away with. Case in point: Alaska’s Honorable Sen. Stevens, who thinks of the internet as a bunch of tubes. Aren’t you glad he’s in charge?
Good luck with the academic networking, and keep on smiling!
They upsold you?
There’s a sucker born every minute…them I mean…not you…I’m sure you’ll pay them…never mind.
I’m sorry, isn’t your Comcast now Time Warner? Mine is, and they let me talk them out of any charges for changing to an HD box.
Also, I would like to kindly request you Blacklist the heinous phrases “gone missing” and “went missing’ - they make me angry.
Nice “South Park” nod there Vague.
South Park nod? SOUTH PARK NOD? Tell me where and I will promptly remove it.
“Gone missing” and “went missing” are incorrect usage in the US English language. It is ghetto speak that has somehow wound its way onto television, news, and into print. It sounds uneducated and idiotic.
The boy has been missing since Saturday.
NOT: The boy went missing on Saturday.
“Missing” is a state of being. It is NOT an “action” verb.
Think of comparisons using other “state of being” words. For example, “elated.”
The boy was elated at his new toy. NOT: The boy went elated at his new toy.
OR: “happy.” The boy is happy. NOT: The boy went happy.
OR: “intelligent.” She is intelligent. NOT: She went intelligent.
“Went” is to locomote to a different location. If one is going someplace to do something, “went” can be used as a “helping verb” for the action verb. EXAMPLES:
We went shopping. We went bowling. The boy went camping.
BUT NOT: We went happy. We gone educated. The boy went intelligent. His parents went proud.
NOW DO YOU GET IT??? thanks, Sue Basko, a grammarian at heart. I gone stupid!!!!
Yo, Sue Basko!
First, “ghetto speak” is racist. It assumes that those who are of a different ethnic background are inherently unable to speak English the way you think is correct. This is a tragedy given that you are an idiot, and should not decide what is correct. Ever.
Second, you are clearly a complete piece of shit. Did you even read this blog post?
Third, linguistically speaking, your analysis is not correct. “Missing” is not necessarily a “state of being” word, by which I assume you mean an adjective based on your comparison with “happy.” (Even if it were, your argument falls apart considering other adjectives that work just fine with gone/went, such as “gone/went crazy,” unless you think “He has been crazy” is the preferred English construction.)
“Missing,” you see, can also be a noun, a usage that dates back to the 1300s. In fact, it can even be found with a preposition: “in missing!” If it is a noun, there’s no reason it can’t come after “go,” analogous to the English “go home,” where home describes an abstract location, much like being missing.
Further, “missing” could also be a gerund here, in which case it would be fine, along the “went missing” works just as well as “went shopping.”
So, in short, you are indeed gone stupid, probably long ago. Stop regurgitating racist, old, Eurocentric rules that you don’t understand to make yourself feel superior to people who have not had the “fortune” to attend schools where one is judged solely on their ability to memorize rules with absolutely no value.
(And no, that is not a run-on sentence.)
Yeah, my favorite part about Sue’s rant is how she calls it “ghetto speak,” when it is actually a chiefly British idiom. I could see her thinking of it as an affectation, but not a “ghetto” affectation.
Maybe this warrants its own post sometime (not that Sue is coming back here, unless she gets bored again some Sunday and decides to spend some more quality time googling “grammar + ‘gone missing,’” which is how she got here in the first place).