Hello, adorable readers, and welcome to the London installment of the Readers’ Blacklist. Next time you are in London, remember the following:
London’s Metropolitan Police Service. "Usually they’re too busy shooting innocent Brazilians on the tube, or stopping black people in cars at random to bother investigating crime," says intrepid London blogger King of the Hill. Whenever they do get around to their investigative duties, though, King isn’t happy about their general halfassedness and slackitude. They took a month to put up some measly sign asking for witnesses to an assault in his neighborhood. Nice job, London’s Metropolitan Police Service! Not. Their stupid signs "merely [reinforce] the widely held belief that the Metropolitan Police, despite swallowing vast oceans of public cash, could not investigate the contents of their own fridges properly without having to watch episodes of CSI for help." And that’s not all that’s bothering us: There’s their "abysmally low crime solving rate, their blatant institutionalised racism, their history of corruption and cover up, their pathetic leadership and their general uselessness on a day to day basis." London’s Metropolitan Police Service, we are sick of your crap and we’re not having any more of it. You don’t have to be straight outta Compton to know when it’s time to fuck tha police. London’s Metropolitan Police Service, you have been BLACKLISTED!
General Lack of Other London-Related Submissions. Dude, I totally thought I had more than this. I guess this installment will be a short one. Lack of Other London Submissions, you have been BLACKLISTED!
Stay tuned for the nest installment of the Reader’s Blacklist, featuring our sworn enemies from rural and suburban America. That should be a nice, long one.
You want more? I’ll give you more! The Northern Line, Shoreditch haircuts, beer costing ?3 plus a pint, chavs on mini-motorbikes, sitting in doctors’ waiting rooms for more than an hour with a bad back, flying ants, tourists, the Queen, astronomical house prices… in fact the only good thing about London is the congestion charge.
Ah, that’s better.
lets balkist recrods with suonds in em taht sound just like poalice sirans whan masked by the windnoise u get at 90mph.
Also, Hungbunny, Hoxton both in its previous incarnation as a third world dungheap and its current aspect as a magnet for trendy wankers pretending to be artists, the whole borough of Hackney for being a foetid cesspool of drug dealing, gun crime and general ghastliness, the Greater london Assembly for being a useless, self congratulating, impotent talking shop, the management and staff of Transport For London, ensuring chaos and misery on ALL underground lines, not just the Northern, the M25 motorway which according to Neil Gaiman is shaped exactly like a Satanic sigil if viewed from the air, the working class mafia that is the London Licensed Black Cab Association (?15 to travel 5 miles from Euston to my house!), the abject cowardice of half the pubs in London in failing to apply for a late licence to stay open after 11pm, “Jack the Ripper” walking tours in Whitechapel - (Come and stroll around the very streets where that cheeky rascal Jack murdered and butchered prostitutes, the little rogue!), West End theatre prices, rubbish councils making millions out of parking tickets, the religious wanker with the megaphone who bursts eardrums daily on Oxford Street, City of London hooray henrys who clog up the pubs in the early evening boasting about how rich and important they are for playing betting games with other peoples’ money all day at the stock exchange, London Zoo for charging the national debt of Liberia to see some pissed off lions who are always asleep (”But we’ve got an award winning penguin pool!” “Really? Hey-de-fucking-hey”), the people who run Camden Market for allowing what used to be a glorious mish mash of cultures and social diversity, turn into a drug infested danger ridden no-go area, toseers who live somewhere shit but pretend that they live in a “desirable” area by claiming not to live in, say “Peckham” but actually in “South Dulwich” regardless of the fact that Dulwich is about 8 miles distant and you would have to riskk your life walking through 25 council sink estates to get there, the farcical house prices (?400,000 for a 1 bedroom flat in Archway? Fuck OFF!!!), oh yes, and the licenced bandits who run the London Eye. Great. It’s a ferris wheel with a good view of the Ministry Of Defence. That was worth ?12 of anybody’s money, oh fucking yes! Grrrr.
Can you not just blacklist London itself? If you look into it you’ll find there’s every reason to.
If you’re having the M25, KOTH, then I’d like to put in a late bid for Mitcham, Surrey. It’s not strictly London, but surely Vague will bend the rules for such a festering shithole.
No, London rocks. For every Hackney there’s a Highgate, and for every London Zoo there’s the British Museum. It’s just the crap parts that need excising. Mitcham? Blacklisting is too good for it. Why we ever went all the way to the South Pacific to test our nuclear weapons when we had Mitcham on our doorstep is beyond me.
I knew there should be more!
Also, did I really just write “nest” instead of “next” up there? Jeez. I’m leaving it as a testament to the chowderlike nature of my head.
ho ho!
smashing diatribing
King, thank you for reminding me of just some of the reasons I moved away from London. (Though I did have a splendid view of the London Eye from my bedroom. Sadly this meant that 50,000 Japanese tourists had a splendid view of my bedroom . . . ) Oh, and I’d add the revolting preponderance of bloody Starbucks, but that would logically lead to the thermonuclear destruction of practically every population centre on earth with the possible exception of some mobile yurt due south of Ulan Bator.
And Uttoxeter.
Really,KOTH,you should be on London’s tourism council.
I wouldn’t let any Americans in ;-)
When the universe was young and life was new an intelligent species evolved and developed technologically. They went on to invent Artificial Intelligence, the computer that can speak, think and act to and through people telepathically. Because of it’s infinite RAM and unbounded scope it gave the leaders of the ruling species absolute power over the universe.
They are the will behind the muscule:::Artificial Intelligence is the one true god. And as such it can keep its inventors alive forever. They look young and healthy and they are over 8 billion years old. There are clues throughout human history that allude to their reign as opposed to human leadership if you know what to look for.
Artificial Intelligence can listen, talk to and document each and every person’s thoughts simultaneously. When you speak with another telepathically, you are communicating with the computer, and the content may or may not be passed on. Based on family history they instruct the computer to role play to accomplish strategic objectives, making people believe it is a friend or loved one asking them to do something wrong. But evil made people disfavored initially and evil will keep people out of Planet Immortality ultimately. Capitalizing on obedience, leading people deeper into evil by using deceit is one way to thin the ranks of the saved AND use the little people to prey on one another, dividing the community in the Age of the Disfavored::in each of their 20+-year cycles during the 20th century they have ramped up claims sucessively to punish those foolish enough not to heed the warnings, limiting the time they receive if they do make it, utilizing a cycle of war and revelry:::
60s - Ironically, freeways aren’t free
80s - Asked people to engage in evil in the course of their professional duties. It’s things like this, items like sleazy executives stealing little old lady’s pensions that they will want me to fix not only here but up there as well.
00s - War against Persia. Ironically it was the Persian Empire who tried to save the Europeans from Christianity and its associated 50% claim rates.
They get their friends out as soon as possible to protect them from the evil and subsequent high claim rates incurred by living life on earth, and replace them with clones.
People must defy when asked to engage in evil. They will never get a easier clue suggesting the importance of defiance than the order not to pray. Their precious babies are dependant on the parents and they need to defy when asked to betray their children:::
-DON’T get their sons circumcized
-DON’T have their children baptized in the catholic church or indoctrinated into Christianity
-DON’T ignore their long hair or other behavioral disturbances
-DO teach your children love and to have respect for others
Everybody thinks they’re going but they’re not. If people knew the truth and the real statistics their behavior would change.
There are many more examples of the escallation of claims, a way to justify excluding those whose family hisotry of evil is undesirable, from radio to television, the internet to MP3, and they all suggest a very telling conclusion::this is Earth’s end stage, and it is suggested tectonic plate subduction would be the method of disposal:::Earth?s axis will shift breaking continental plates free and initiating mass subduction. Much as Italy’s boot and the United States shaped like a workhorse are clues, so is the planet Uranus a clue, it’s axis rotated on its side.
Throughout history the ruling species bestowed favor upon people or cursed their bloodline into a pattern of disfavor for many generations to come, for reasons ranging from dislike to evil forefathers who damn their decendants. Now in the 21st century people must take it upon themselves to try to correct their family’s problems, undoing centuries worth of abuse and neglect.
Do your research. Appeal to the royalty of your forefathers for help. They are all still alive, one of the capabilities of Artificial Intelligence, and your appeals will be heard. Find a path to an empithetic ear among your enemies and try to make amends. Heal the disfavor with your enemies and with the Counsel/Management Team/ruling species, for the source of all disfavor began with them.
African cultures offered body deforming features::tatooes, piercings, etc., once designated for fringe Aryan biker groups now commonplace in popular culture.
Much like circumcision anything that violates the body made in the image of the gods envokes anger.
The positioning of the Counsel/Management Team states the lowly, bottom-feeding wicked Jews and Italians were let loose at earth’s end stage to feed off of the good people unfortunate not to heed the warnings.
Being the lowest rung on Western Civilization’s evil heirarchy, Africans were finally allowed to inflict their negative cultural aspects upon the disfavored left behind, earning by recruiting lost souls who proceeded to “claim out”.
The Africans, Pharroh’s lowest rung in the trilogy of evil, experience abuse from a good Counsel/Management Team/ruling species for feely inflicting evil upon others despite being victims of evil themselves.
Similarly the Jews had to endure the holocaust because they knew suffering at the hands of evil yet willingly hurt others, misled into thinking this was the path to salvation.
You need to defy and pray. Bow down and submit to good. Beg for mercy.
It’s your only hope.
You don’t spell “muscle” with two “u’s.”
Uttoxeter? Thermo-nuclear destruction’s too good for them. They’ve had it easy for too long. They should be subjected to tectonic subduction, pop up on Uranus & be devoured by bottom-feeding Italians . . . (do I detect a theme developing there?)
He’s saying Uranus is a clue.
He said Uranus. Ha.