The Sweatbucket Chair. What is the Sweatbucket Chair, you might ask? The Sweatbucket chair is a plastic, outdoor chair whose seat is vaguely bowl shaped (the better to cup your buttocks, I s’pose) and which is solid plastic with no ventilating slats. When one sits in such a chair, outside, on a hot day, one might just stand up only to discover that one’s backside has been totally and completely soaked with sweat. (You may recall that I enjoy sweat, but only when it is allowed to flow and evaporate freely.) Sweatbucket Chair, you have been BLACKLISTED!
The Skirt-Hem-Into-Underpants Tuck. This is what happens when you leave the bathroom with the hem of your light and breezy Summer skirt tucked into the back of your underpants: You feel light and breezy–but a little too breezy. You casually run your hand across your backside, only to discover the Horrible Truth: Your underwear are exposed! I repeat: EXPOSED! You hope no one is behind you, and you slink carefully backwards into the restroom, frantically trying to untuck the skirt hem from the waistband of your drawers. You will feel that same phantom breeze all day, constantly certain that you have unknowingly repeated the improper tuck. Skirt-Hem-Into-Underpants Tuck, you have been BLACKLISTED!
Hundred-Degree Weather. I, like any lazy person, enjoy any excuse to sprawl across the tile floor of my kitchen, wearing only my underwear (Again with the underwear talk! Sorry!), sipping lemonade all day. However, I had other plans today. Plans that involved, oh, I don’t know, movement of some kind. Clothing. Activity. Hundred-Degree Weather, you have been BLACKLISTED!
God, yesterday really was the worst day ever.
100 degrees sounds impressive. We have celsius in Australia, which means that if it was ever 100 degrees over here, we would literally roast.
That open letter to sweat was great, a definite shoe-in for the best-of list!
My parents had those ‘pool parties’ when I was a kid.
My brother and I would sit upstairs looking longingly down at the pool, the fizzy drinks and the guests in halter dresses and leisure suits…
At one of them, a tipsy blond came out of the bathroom with her little halter dress tucked into her nylon panties - ALL THE WAY AROUND.
She stood there with her Sloe Gin for a little bit before someone escorted her away.
We eagerly awit the Zembla charity lingerie calendar…
Wow - your kitchen floor must be very, very clean.
ok, i don’t mean to pull rank or anything, but try 103 degrees with 100 percent humidity. Forget movement, it’s too hot to breathe down here in the crooked letter state.
Yeah, you wanna add some other things to that list?
Moving in 8o% humidity and 90 degree weather…that has also been blacklisted.
Small New England towns without “day laborers” available for easy load lifting (and anti-immigrant assholes who sneer at me when I ask about such a thing). Blacklisted.
Humidity in general. Blacklisted.
My 100lb “portable” air conditioner which leaks condesation water all over the wood floors of my soon to be former New England apt.. Blacklisted.
“Pop-up” thunderstorms that happen four times a day and don’t cool anything down…also BLACKLISTED.
Global warming….sigh. Never mind. You know where I’m going with that one.
Oedipa, do your bit to combat global warming: stimulate a few major volcanic eruptions, and make sure the sulfur gets into the atmosphere. It blocks heat out*, you see. With a bit of luck and pluck, in a couple of decades, you’ll have bought on a new ice age! Smiles all round!
Sure, as far as the science goes, it’s not perfect, but we’ve all got to roll up our sleeves and do our bit, eh?
*Please accept my completely unscientific statement at face value.
Well, I worked Saturday (can we blacklist that?) out in the desert, in monsoon weather, I think, as we had thunderstorms and temps of 125-132 F. The a/c worked marginally if at all.
So, yeah, I’m totally behind you on that!
Hey, we (er, I, I guess) should do a BLACKLISTED! Readers’ Choice Edition. Then you all could submit your items for The List. Hmm..
Also, still over 100 here. Fuckin’ A.
jesus gawd. 125-132? That’s going a BIT too high up there for me. Dry heat, humid heat. Who CARES at that point?
I’m totally behind you on that!
Me too, if your pants are showing.