Zemblan Grammar

Just in case y’all were wondering how I felt about Tyra Banks. And I’m sure you were, weren’t you?  That’s what I thought.  So, what is my opinion of the busty entertainment mogul?  Not surprisingly, I can’t stand her.  Her horrible, horrible talk show is apparently aired no fewer than eighty-seven different times a day. She did a show without her make-up, and later, in a still more obnoxious attempt to show how she is like, so totally keeping it real, she had a sonogram on air just to prove that her huge, perky, orbicular milkbags weren’t fake. Yawn.

But then, of course, she had to jump on the latest bandwagon in American journalism.  I use the term journalism loosely, here, people.  Tyra is now the latest in a line of pretty, skinny girls to don a fatsuit in the interest of finding out how it feels to be fat.  Yes, you read that right:  a FATSUIT.  She put on a suit to make herself fat.  That is what she did.  And then, when it turned out that Tyra didn’t like being fat, she cried about it.  She cried, people.  On her show, in front of her two fat guests, whose eyes were shooting out daggers of hate in her general direction as she continued her display of faux empathy.

So, Mel and I were chatting about this today.  Read on if you want to know how a couple of educated adults managed to go from dissing Tyra to use of the word “poopy” in conversation.

Mel:  I mean, everyone knows that fat people get treated like shit, and there’s just something that rubs me the wrong way about skinny reporters, models, or actresses in fatsuits.

Alfina:  It is so, so wrong. But crying about it is maybe worse.

Mel:  Yeah, I think that’s the thing that really gets me, is that they’re so upset afterward.

Alfina:  I want to slap them upside their skinny heads.

Mel:  Like, “I was FAT for TWO WHOLE HOURS and now I’m REALLY SAD.”

Alfina:  Gaaaaahhhh I know.

Mel:   ”Nobody looked at me like they always do, and I couldn’t fit on a seat and WAHHHHHH…good thing I’m skinny in real life, and now I’ll stay skinny FOREVER cause I know people are mean to FAT PEOPLE.”

Alfina:  I was going to write a blog post about it, but I didn’t want the internets to start thinking I was fat, or something.

Mel:  Everybody is skinny on the internets.

Alfina:  Thank god, because if people I don’t even know thought I was fat, I would so totally CRY.

Mel:  I would go binge and purge.

Alfina:   I would go on an all-laxative diet.  Sooooo skinny.  So skinny, and so POOPY.