RE: UNWRITTEN BUT COMMONLY UNDERSTOOD “WALK ON THE RIGHT” RULE
It has come to our attention that may of you in have been blatantly flouting the unwritten but commonly understood “walk on the right” rule. As you surely must know, this rule calls for pedestrians to walk on the right when making use of any shared, bi-directional walkways, stairwells, or double doors.
Certainly, in some countries, people walk on the left–it is said that this stems from their desire to quickly draw their weapons with their right hand should they have to approach any shady characters on a public thoroughfare. Here in The U.S., though, it is of vital importance that we not allow these contagious old-world ideas to affect our sidewalk traffic. Ignoring the “walk on the right” rule can result in extreme awkwardness, often terminating in the Embarrassing Dance of The I’ll-Step-Aside, No-I’ll-Step-Aside.
Such an event can, at best, distract the pedestrian, causing him to lose focus and thus be rendered unable to successfully avoid any drunks, can collectors, or anarchist panhandlers he may chance to meet along the next block. At worst, it can develop into an obsessive rocking behavior similar to the self-stimulatory head-banging of autistic Pigface concert-goers.
Citizens, heed our memo! Walk on the right! We know where you live, and we are just like Santa Claus but one small difference: we stop at nothing to regulate sidewalk, stairwell, and double-door traffic!
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