“I got a letter from you. I don’t know what its about. [...] No, I haven’t read it yet.”
“Why did I overdraw my account?”
“Can you tell me how much my next deposit is going to be for?”
“So you’re telling me I can get a credit card with a $30,000 limit? What’s the best way to get that to make money for me?”
“Where is the nearest [competitor's bank] ATM?”
“Can I get a loan in my daughter’s name?”
“So, where it says ‘account number,’ is that where I put my…um…account number?”
“What? I can’t understand you. I’m hard of hearing, but you’re too loud anyway.”
“Oh, so that happened because I didn’t pay you? So I have to make a payment every month?”
“Fine then! I’ll just pay off my loan. Whaddaya think about that?”
“I’m tired of playing Ms. Nice Guy. Do you watch The Apprentice?”
UPDATE: I should clarify: the last remark sounds deceptively like it was made by me–it wasn’t. Some jerkburger actually said it to me. I didn’t say any of these things. The “sassing” referred to in the title is, well, left to your imagination. If anyone has any suggestions for cutting comebacks, by all means let me know. The best option I have come up with, for the third dumb question above, is to transfer the person to Miss Cleo’s Psychic Hotline.
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