After taking a short break during class yesterday, I was surprised and puzzled to find, on my desk at the front of the room, a very large, partially consumed bag of mint Life Savers (TM). Another mystery! I rolled up my sleeves, you know, metaphorically, tossed the candy pensively from one hand to the other, and prepared to begin my investigation.
Two facts did not escape me: first, the Life Savers were, as mentioned, of a minty variety. I had, as usual, consumed some strong coffee before class (in order to make myself appropriately twitchy and sweaty as I pontificated–always helpful and paedagogically wise). Could it be that the coffee had also had an unfortunate, unwarranted effect on my breath? Could the bag of candy be a sweet, minty suggestion that I ought to freshen up a bit?
Certainly not. I rejected that hypothesis immediately upon consideration of the second important fact: papers were due that day. The bag of candy was conveniently placed next to the stack of unintelligible drivel that had filtered in at the beginning of the period. My eyes travelled back and forth between the candy and the papers, the candy, the papers, candy, papers, papers, candy.
I began to feel a bit flushed and dizzy, and a coppery taste slowly settled into the back of my mouth. Was this some sort of bribe? This detective remains convinced that it was, despite the fact that no one would own up to having put the candy on my desk.
I am appalled to think that any student of mine would imagine a half-eaten bag of Life Savers a sufficient payment. Surely, considering the quality of their work, I would require six-figure sum, in unmarked, non-sequentially numbered bills to be placed in a brown paper bag outside my office.
You know, in case anyone was wondering.
Case Status: Closed
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