Hey, Girl!
How are you? Long time no see! Man, really. How long has it been? This sure brings back memories, doesn’t it? Like, remember that paper you wrote for my class? All by yourself? That sure was a good paper.
And it’s a good thing you told me expressly how you didn’t do any outside research for it. Because, you know, otherwise it would have seemed like you cobbled it together out of articles from a major news weekly, an on-line music review, and a published scholarly essay. Just spackled it up with a glue stick and a pair of Fiskars (TM).
So I was pretty amazed how you managed to channel the spirits of those three professional writers as you sat down to compose your chef d’oeuvre. It was like their sentences just flowed through your fingers, word for word. Really, it was a beautiful thing. I’d like to learn how to do that myself.
That’s why I’m glad your little adventure with the student judicial board didn’t sway you from your dreams of collegiate mediocrity. I’m glad you’ve decided to stick it out. Honestly, seeing your smug face flouncing around campus is inspiring, and not just to me. No, you stand out as an emblem of real achievement.
You make me want to be a better writer, if only so that I could get paid for it and not have to deal with illiterate chowderheads like you.
Wishing I could have just found this letter on line instead of having written it myself, but happy in the knowledge that some enterprising young whippersnapper may be able to use it one day to her own advantage,
AtV
so, if i want to use this legitimately (sp?), how the hell do i site it? what’s the MLA policy on cleverly cynical information borrowed from a blog? anyone?
that shat doesn’t fly here at my honor-code heavy school. as i’ve said, the only sanction for an honor code violation (plagiarism being a biggy) is withdrawal. you can either take it like a man, or you can piss and moan and end up ultimately expelled. they should at least put a big scarlet letter P on the offender’s transcript so if the knuckle-dragger ever tries to go to grad school, she gets dinged. or at least has to explain why she is so lame…i can just imagine…
“well, i had a big emergency [hangover] and i was really upset [fucking lazy] and my teacher is really mean and scary [yeah, i'm leaving that one], so i had no choice!”
what a wanker. or wankerix? wankeress? hmmmm…
C-Yeah, you actually can cite this. According to my handy guidebook, something like this:
So when shall I be appearing in some paper of yours? huh? huh?
M-Ha ha very funny. “Really mean and scary,” eh? I’ll give her something to be scared about! Well…apparently I won’t, as it turns out. Apparently she’s pretty proud of herself about the whole thing. Biznatch.