The results from the Freud Paper Contest are in. Despite a strong showing from all parties, the break-away winner was Chrismac with a very respectable seven points. I had intended to present my corrections and commentary concurrent with the results, but, in the words of one reader, “I felt like a mosquito at a nudist colony: I knew what to do but had no idea where to start.” Suffice it to say the students all suffer from delusions of adequacy, their wit being as thick as Tewksbury mustard.
Chrismac, I owe you a fabulous mystery prize. But how to get it to you?
Things I am not entirely ungrateful for:
1. PBS finally re-broadcast Okie Noodling, and I taped it. This means I can watch those Okies wrestling catfish in the middle of Okie swamps over and over and over again.
2. Major holiday plans for a summit meeting of the Great Triumvirate, to review our plans for world domination. (Bonus: Plans will be less costly than previously estimated; bigger budget for hooch.)
3. Was finally allowed to sleep in today. Three whole hours extra.
Things I am not in the least bit grateful for:
1. Pile of tests to grade. (One student begins to answer a question about tragedy with this killer phrase: “Hegel, a Greek, said….”)
2. Prospect of spending more nights in the office finishing writing projects by end of term.
3. Various existential dilemmas.
So, in the end I guess it’s a wash. Actually I guess I come out ahead; I just tacked on “existential dilemmas” to make the lists more symmetrical. The symmetry itself is a bonus. I don’t know what I’m complaining about. Okie Noodling itself more than makes up for any existential dilemmas.
Deadline for the contest is drawing near. This is serious business. The score is close, with Ninotchka opening up a narrow lead over Mel. Who will reap the spoils (aka fabulous mystery prize)? Stay tuned.
Please submit your final corrections by Thursday.
[Results from the doping tests are still inconclusive and will be referred to a board of impartial judges for further evaluation.]
The five-day forecast yesterday called for “morning showers,” “chance of rain,” “rain likely,” “morning drizzle,” and “chance of showers.” That’s all slated for less than a week, folks. As you may note, they’ve left out “scattered showers,” “morning showers,” “torrential downpours,” “depressing drizzle,” “mysterious fog,” “biting needles of ice,” and–most notably– “thunder showers.” Although we have a fairly specific vocabulary for discussing precipitation here in Zembla, the “thunder shower” doesn’t figure in it. The last time we had any thunder, in fact, the baffled news teams were reporting, eyes wide with incredulity, that the noise was so loud they could even hear it in the studio. Sheesh. Please await with bated breath my forthcoming report on why Zemblans are also retarded about snow.
It’s quite fortunate for Dr. Freud that he’s not alive to see the mess my students have made of his theories. I’m sure he’d probably account for their blanket refusal to learn anything about anything by claiming they’re all a bunch of miserable, neurotic onanists. I wouldn’t disagree. At the very least they’re a bunch of illiterate oafs and chowderheads (compared to which I would consider "neurotic onanists" much less offensive).
Click below to view their most recent crimes, and find as many horrible mistakes as you can. Whoever finds the most wins a fabulous mystery prize! Grammatical errors=1 point, erroneous content=2 points.
Continue reading ‘the doctor oughtta be glad he’s dead’
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